I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
