there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
