This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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