Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
