I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
