One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
