capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
