Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
