I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
