So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
