Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
