if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you have to choose: penises or morals?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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