the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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