wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
