he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
