i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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