Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
