Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize