butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
