I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
