do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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