where am i from again
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
