i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
