theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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