it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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