Dual....:-)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
