I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
