is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
