Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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