# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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