what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
