My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
