What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
