i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
