I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
