My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
