i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
