dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
