well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
