Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
