i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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