There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your cock deserves a montage
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
