I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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