When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize