Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
