What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
