Pappa wants mamma naked
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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