btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
