i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
