If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
