Please, let me fuck your mom
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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