I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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