mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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