there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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