Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
