im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
