The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
