She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
