he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
