hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
