We're facebook friends in real life
I want to have your abortion
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
