You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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