A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
