dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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