Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
