As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
