You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
