I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
