Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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