She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
