If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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