you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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