she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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